How are you with firearms?

Good news, everyone! After nearly a year of exhaustive searching, I have finally managed to land a job. It's not any old job, though. It just so happens that I have been hired for my dream career! And the company? Well, what can I say? It's perfect. It probably wouldn't be your idea of perfect, but, by the time you get to the end of this post, you'll see why it's mine.

A Little Background:
While trolling craigslist.org, I came across a listing for a Copy Editor position. It's pretty rare to find such a thing because most Copy Editors work freelance. In fact, I work freelance. Anyway, I read up on the company as per my usual routine, and I was very impressed by what I learned. So, I sent in my resume. And I waited. And waited. And waited. A couple of months later, I saw the same listing appear for a second time. I sent my resume in once again. And I waited. Again. But, as they say, the third time's the charm. Two months after my third attempt, I received an email on a Sunday night from an HR recruiter, asking if I would be willing to set up a phone interview for later in the week. Obviously, I jumped at the chance. She was super sweet, and she felt that I had potential. So, she set up a phone interview for me with the Quality Assurance Content Manager, Greg -- the person to whom the Copy Editor reports. He was literally the nicest person I have ever spoken with in my life. No offense. Several times, he complimented me on the answers I gave to his questions, and he also praised my resume. He clearly wanted to hire me.

But first, I had to pass a copy editing test. No, not just pass it ... get an A- on it. Have I mentioned yet that no one has ever gotten an A? But no pressure, right? This is what Greg had to say to me: "When I took the test, I almost had a stroke. In fact, I took it twice. Just for good measure. But, the second time, I had to down a glass of wine to relax. It's extremely difficult. Just do your best and take as long as you need. It's not uncommon for a candidate to take ten hours." Well, he was right. The test was so hard, it felt almost impossible. It took me six hours (and it was only three pages), and I scored a B+. So, no copy editing job for me. I was terribly disappointed. But Greg, being the incredibly nice person that he is, called me and went over, in great detail, all of the mistakes I had made. Man, I wanted to work for him! So ... I told him that I was aware of another open position within the company and asked if my score was high enough to apply. He assured me that it was more than high enough, and he encouraged me to go for it, stating that he knew I would fit in well there. Plus, I had a leg up on my competition. I had the HR recruiter's email address. So, we started the process all over again. Thankfully, though, I didn't have to retake the test. The Managing Editor, Paul, was not nearly as nice as Greg. It was pretty obvious to me, right from the start of our phone interview, that he didn't like me much. In fact, he led me to believe that I had no chance of progressing to the next phase of the interview process. But I think Greg must have said something to him because, the very next day, he wrote me an email, inviting me for an in-person interview. I was stoked!

The Interview:
First of all, let me just say that this was no ordinary interview. It was an all-day event: 10am to 3pm, including lunch ... with all ten of my interviewers. I spent half an hour each with nine people. And Paul.

When I arrived at 10am, I met with Paul. He took me to his office and gave me this stern warning: "Do not act in a businesslike or professional manner. If you do, you'll be shooting yourself in the foot. That's not what we're looking for around here. We want to see the real you. If you act like a professional, we'll think you're hiding something, and you won't get the job. So, don't treat this like an interview." Hmmm. Okay.

From there, I interviewed with two other Managing Editors (Marcie and Jenn), both of whom were very nice. At the end of the second one, Jenn told me that she was taking me to see Greg. Naturally, I was excited to hear that. I had been anxious to meet him in person after having spoken with him on the phone a few times and finding him to be so totally awesome. "Oh! Here he is now," said Jenn. And I literally couldn't believe my eyes. He was not at all as I had expected. Greg looks just like a pirate! He's got a shaved head, a giant gold hoop earring in one ear, and a long black beard dyed with red streaks. I was not, however, surprised to see that he was wearing cargo shorts and a hoodie ... as that seems to be the norm at this place. (Awesome!) I walked right up to him, extended my hand, and said, "Greg! My old friend. It's so nice to finally meet you in person." And he seemed equally delighted to see me. "Brooke, is that you? Oh, excellent! Let's go to my office and chat."

"Well, I've already interviewed you extensively, so I won't go over all that again. There's really just one more thing I need to know. How are you with firearms?"

"Firearms?" I choked, bug-eyed.

"Yeah. You know, guns. Are you a pretty good shot?"

"Umm ... is that part of the Editorial Assistant position, Greg?"

"Yeah, sort of. You see, we frequently like to shoot darts at each other periodically throughout the work day. In fact, we've got quite a rivalry going with the editorial department across the lobby. They like to pull the occasional sneak attack, and so do we. So, we're looking for somebody with good aim."

"Well," I said, "I've never actually shot at anything, but my dad's a sharpshooter, so I bet he could teach me. I think I'd be a good shot, anyway."

"Excellent! That's just what I was hoping to hear."

And just when I thought this interview couldn't get any stranger ...

"Our company has a very relaxed culture," Greg went on to explain. "You may have noticed that. You can wear whatever you want, come in whenever you want. I accidentally offended Paul the other day. I didn't mean to. You see, I've been thinking about getting a couple of neck tattoos, and I asked Paul how he thought that would go over at work. 'I can't believe you're asking me that,' he snapped. 'Of course it's okay if you get neck tattoos.' So, if you're ever thinking about getting a neck tattoo, don't worry about it being a problem here at work."

"Well, I might just hold off on that for now," I said (as if I would ever get a tattoo of any kind). "But it's good to know."

And then Greg took me out to the main room, opened up a desk drawer filled with dart guns, and proceeded to show me his favorites. I love that guy!

Pretty soon, it was time for lunch. And as if this interview weren't already enough of an x-file, the truly unbelievable happened. I sat at the long conference table and looked around at all ten of my interviewers -- four men and six women. Not a single one of those women was wearing even the slightest trace of makeup. What?! Now, everybody knows that I hate to wear makeup and I almost never do. But to be in a room with six other women not wearing makeup has to be a first! And then ... everyone started talking, all at once, about their cats! That's right. Every person there has a cat, and they love to tell wacky stories about said cats. I even chipped in with a cat story of my own ... and they really loved that. Especially since my story consisted of Hank and Ollie eating my copy editing test for their company. After twenty or so minutes of cat chat, Greg began to discuss Shakespeare ... and then Andy segued into Jane Austen. I swear, it was like sitting at a table full of Brooke clones. They are exactly like me! But wait. There's more.

After lunch, I interviewed with yet another Managing Editor, Andy. I didn't know it at the time, but Andy is going to be my boss. Yay! I was afraid it was going to be Paul. Anyway, Andy didn't really know what to ask me. He was trying hard, but I could tell he hasn't interviewed many people. As I began to tell him about my experience with auto claims, he told me that, just a couple of weeks ago, a tree fell on his car out in the company parking lot. So, I gave him some advice and offered to look at his car at the end of the day. He was surprised by my offer, but he really seemed to appreciate it. Then he asked me this: "Do you ever use the Internet?" Duh! Of course I use the Internet. "What websites do you frequent? Like, Facebook?" Hmmm... well, I could tell him the standard stuff -- like Facebook. But I remembered what Paul told me about being myself. So, I decided to go balls out. I'm a nerd, and if anyone is going to appreciate that about me, I think it's gonna be these people.

So, I said, "Yeah, Facebook. And email, some shopping, the news. Plus, I belong to this X-Files fan forum where I chat with my friends pretty much every day."

"You mean, the show?" he asked, surprised.

"Yep. I'm an obsessive die-hard fan. I can quote several of the episodes, and I've got all nine seasons and two movies on DVD."

"And you just watch them over and over again?"

"Yep. I think it's the best show ever made."

"Me, too!" he exclaimed. WHAT?! Yeah. Apparently, Andy is a die-hard xphile, too. "I'm just about to start watching the whole series again on DVD, but I'm right in the middle of another show. What I really want to know is, what did you think of the second movie?"

How's that for an interview question, ladies and gentlemen? I think it totally rocks!Turns out we were both disappointed with the second movie for pretty much the same reasons. But we're still hoping for a third.

"Do you like any other TV shows?"

"I really love Dexter." I replied. "That's probably my second favorite show."

"Dexter is the show I'm watching now! I'm only about halfway through season one, but I really like it so far."

What are the chances, people? I mean really. I'm thinkin' my freakish X-Files nerdiness might just have gotten me the job!

After I finished up with Andy, I interviewed with a couple of other cool people, and then it was time to head back to Paul's office. The only person there who hadn't been ultra nice to me. And he was, as I expected, pretty jerky. Again.

"I just want you to know," he began, "that all ten of us have to agree before you can be hired. If even one of us doesn't like you, you're not getting the job. So, don't count on it. Andy is technically the hiring manager this time, since you would be working for him. So, he could override us. But he won't. That's never happened before, and it never will happen. So, if you hear back from the HR lady, it's good news. If you hear back from me, it's bad news. And if you don't hear back at all, it just means that I've probably forgotten your existence, so go ahead and email me."

Ah, nothing warms the heart like being told your very existence is forgettable. Oh, that Paul.

"I have to walk you out now," he grumbled. "It's company policy."

"Afraid I'm gonna steal your confidential information?" I quipped.

"It's highly unlikely that anyone would steal information while interviewing, but I still have to follow the policy."

"Say, do you think Andy could walk me out? I told him I'd look at his car damages. You know, from when that tree fell on his roof."

Andy was totally shocked that I wanted to see his car. I guess he thought I was being insincere, or maybe that I would have forgotten. But he was so excited that he jumped up from his desk right away, even though he had clearly been very busy with something.

"Let's take the ninja exit," he said. And, sure enough, on a support pillar in the middle of the room was sign that said, in big bold lettering, "NINJA EXIT" with an arrow. We followed the arrow and came to a door on which a sign said, "SHHH! Secret Door!" And, viola! We were outside. If we had gone the way I came in, we would have had to tromp through two lobbies and a flight of stairs. I can see why they call it the ninja exit.

That very same night, I got an email from the HR lady, asking if she could call me the next morning for a quick follow-up on my interview. Since she had done this for every other step of the interview process, I assumed nothing. But, when I spoke with her the next morning, she told me that she had already spoken with all of my interviewers and they all loved me. They were ready to extend me an offer!!! She was planning to call me with a formal offer on Monday, but she just couldn't make me wait all weekend to find out. Isn't that considerate? I love these people.

So, to make a short story long, I have landed the job of my dreams in the most nightmarish economy since the Great Depression. It's a miracle! And not only will I finally be working in an editorial capacity in the publishing world, just as I have always dreamed, but I will be surrounded by cool, casual people who love all the same things I love. It's paradise! I couldn't be happier.

Thanks so much to all of you who have been so supportive during the stressful and depressing time of my unemployment. I couldn't have gotten through it without you. Whenever I felt like giving up, I had so many great friends and family members cheering me on. And it just bolstered my determination. You guys are the best!

B

Pet Peeve of the Day:
It was hard for me to think of a pet peeve, believe it or not, because I'm in such a great mood. But then I thought of one. After all, even during the best of times, about a million things annoy the hell out of me. Here's one: people who say the word "like" repeatedly ... sometimes even in the same sentence. You like totally know what I'm like talking about. Like, people who can't seem to like say three or four words without like stopping to like say like. This is like especially irritating when it happens on like TV shows. Then again, I can like always turn those shows off or like just hit the mute button. But like when a person is like speaking to me like face to face, it like totally drives me like crazy. Sometimes, I even like want to shake that person until they stop like speaking like altogether. Do you like know what I mean? AHHH!!! When I taught that class on interviewing (because, I have to say, I rock at interviewing), I made a special point to tell those students to be sure not to say "like" or "you know" excessively. It's become so common that I couldn't take the chance that they would even recognize they were doing it without a warning. Now, I'm not trying to say that I don't say "like" sometimes, too. I am, after all, a California girl. But I certainly don't say it to excess. And if I hear you doing it, I'll be sure to let you know ... or shake you. One or the other.